1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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