Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
