Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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