I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
