I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
