i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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