Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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