I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
