It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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