Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
