Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
