Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
