I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
All the doctor said was why
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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