I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
