i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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