i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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