Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How's work?
Spinning.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize