I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize