He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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