someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
