i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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