were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
