apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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