R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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