Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
