she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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