mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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