Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
