put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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