Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
