Just cropdusted the office
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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