Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
