i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need a beard to bite.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
