It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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