it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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