you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
