the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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