:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
