Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
