i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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