I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
