turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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