i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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