My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
