grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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