You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Less talking, more tequila
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
