Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You smell like stripper and shame
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
