I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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