I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
