We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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