I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize