Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize