is your mom at the bar?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
