i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
