Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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