I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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