With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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