We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
