What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
