Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
