Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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