Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
