How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize