and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
