I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
