Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
