already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
