He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
