I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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