Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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