i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
