im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
