I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
