How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
