I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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