Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize