:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
