4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
